Much of what I write about is inspired by whatever I'm presently going through in life. Other times, I find inspiration in books, music, the lives of others or programs on NPR. Rebecca Walker is the author of "One Big Happy Family". While getting through my laundry yesterday, I listened to her interview with Michele Martin of NPR's Tell Me More. Rebecca Walker's book talks about the American family and the changes its undergone over the years; so much so, that the definition of a family in America has been redefined.
Now, if you'll allow me add my two cents on the matter *ahem ahem*...
The topic at hand is family. Family is important. Family is what keeps us grounded or lifts us up when we fall down. Family is one of the very few indispensable things in life. In our minds, we all envision what a family is to each of us. For years, society will have us believe it is a unit comprised of a mother, father and child (or children), sometimes a pet or two. This family is happy. The well-educated mother and father marry at a socially appropriate/acceptable age and never fall out of love or venture outside the sacred confines of their marriage. Dad has a great job which generously provides while mom stays home with the kids, at the ready for all of her family's needs. The children in this family are healthy and well-behaved. They excel socially and academically. Their life is just oh...so...perfect. This is the belief which many have chosen to subscribe. Not I. As impressional children, we will grow up believing this to be the standard...the norm...the ideal. I will be the first to confess. As a little girl, this is how i defined "family". If you aren't part of this kind of family, then your life is classified as a tragedy. To be part of this misfortune is to be subjected to the unwelcome judgments made on you by the gossip queens and self-righteous hippocrates of the world (or at least of your street block).
My siblings and I were raised solely by my wonderful mother. Though, unfortunately, domestic violence, financial hardship, and a mostly absent father were the norm for me and my siblings, we still found love and support in each other, our mother, our small extended family, and family friends. My mother desired for her children the same as other mothers: a pleasant, safe home; food, education, and clothing. As a single mother, it was a challenge for her to provide the latest clothing styles, etc. other parents could offer their children, but she always made it magically happen. I don't feel my siblings and I ever felt we were lacking in that regard. Because my mother held two jobs, I was often left with many more responsibilities than my friends. This usually included me having to walk my younger siblings to and from school and bible class when my mother wasn't available to drive us. I would frequently need to make dinner, do laundry and clean up before my mom would return home from work. Growing up in this manner was pretty difficult as a child, but in retrospect, I feel it conditioned me to be self-sufficient, driven, and ambitious. I did well in school not only because my mother demanded it, but because I demanded it more. My single mother instilled this drive in me. Without her living example, I could have never learned how to be a strong, independent woman with incredible resourcefulness and resilience.
Same-sex couples are often targets for unfair criticism, as well. This is a bit personal for me as I have quite a few close friends who are gay. Closer to my heart, is my little sister, who also happens to be gay. I've no idea if she has any desire to be a mother, but I would hate to think she would ever be robbed of the opportunity to love and provide for a child because of societal biases. A heterosexual couple's success rate as parents is no better than that of a homosexual couple. I find it utterly ridiculous that someone would even have the nerve to use this as a valid reason to support their argument. There are unfounded claims suggesting gay couples are less likely to remain monogomous or committed, long-term. This too is unsubstantiated. A relationship between two people is still a relationship regardless of the gender or sexual orientation of the individuals within it. As parents, a couple is equally capable of providing love and stability in a home. Conversely, any couple with children is equally capable of divorcing or making mistakes in the raising or their children. But to insinuate that homosexual couples are more likely to fail as parents is ignorant.
For some, friends have taken the place of a traditional family. Though I am blessed to have a "real" family, I can relate. I presently live in Dallas. I have been here for nearly a decade without my "real" family. When I first moved to the city, I only had a few friends--1 old and dear (and since estranged) and 3 newly-acquired. Within a couple of months, my new friends had become my dearest friends and eventually...my family. With all of the overwhelming changes and difficulties during this time in my life, my dear friends, my family, were there every step of the way. In the past couple of years, I have sadly lost one of these dear friends/family members to death and been dealt a new set of life-altering circumstances, but in all of this darkness, I have forged new friendships and expanded my little family. Through the years, the support I've received has been immeasurable and never goes unappreciated. My Dallas family continues to shape my adult life and help me realize a new-found sense of purpose and strength; determination and hope.
The message I'm trying to deliver here is this: let us not judge others for not having what society has long considered to be a "normal" family. Let us be thankful for those who are willing to open their hearts and homes to children in need. These are the figures to whom we will look as children and throughout our lives. Let us be ever mindful of those people who have raised us to the best of their abilities. Because of them, we are never truly alone. These people are our family--a truer, more realistic definition of the word.
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