Those who know me well--really know me (there are few who can truthfully make this claim, btw)--know I am completely inept when it comes to directions. I get lost ALLL the time. Be it in my little hometown of a mere 5,000 inhabitants (give or take a few) or the sprawling city where I currently reside--Dallas, Tx--I am guaranteed to somehow turn a quick 5-minute trip to the grocery store into an hour-long adventure. Whoops!
Shortly after I moved to Dallas, back in 2001, I attended university to finish up my degree. I've now attended 3 Universities, earned 256 useless college credits, and changed my major from pre-law/minor in English to electrical engineering with emphasis in computer science to biology-physician's assistant studies to (and lastly) business computer information systems. Phewww!!! See?!?! I just did it again. Completely getting lost in my thoughts and taking random "detours". Bah!! Ok. So as I was saying. I had just enrolled at UNT and drove to school for my first day of class. The campus was pretty big, yes, but your typical university campus with the usual roads, road signs and stop lights. All useful when trying to get from point A to point B, right? In theory--yes, however this is me we're talking about. I did get to class on time after a frustrating series of wrong turns. The days following were no different from the first--a confused me at the wheel--growing increasingly angrier and questioning the belief that God is perfect, for if he were, he wouldn't have forgotten to equip me with the "direction" gene. Each night I'd go home to my boyfriend and sheepishly recount the details of my seemingly impossible ability to get in and out of campus without getting horribly lost or nearly driving my happy ass to Fort Worth!! About a few days of having to hear me complain about my "handicap", my then boyfriend presents me with a gift--a pin-on compass ball. I was reluctant to use it only because I wanted to prove that I could get around without getting lost. But I soon set my pride aside and attached it to my car visor. And voila!!--it did help. My "lost" episodes became fewer and fewer.
The point of this absurdly long preface is to say that I'm still in the horrible "habit" of getting lost--when I drive, in my personal life, in love, as a mother and in pretty much all aspects of my life. I'm not quite sure of the explanation for this, but I'd sure like to know. In an attempt to rectify this--or at least better understand it--I'm going to be moving away for a while. Maybe a year. Maybe forever. I just have to find out where I am in this world--who it is that I am after so many years of deep influence from relationships and unhealthy environments and situations. I am blessed and privileged to have family and friends who support me as well as a job which provides me the opportunity to do this. It will be indescribably difficult to leave my home, friends and the world I know, but I feel it's important to sometimes remove one's self from the usual and predictable in order to discover the untapped strength and opportunities that lay dormant within.
So. That is the journey on which I plan to embark. A journey of discovery and healing. My hope is to return (where??--I've no idea) refreshed and renewed--a clean, white canvas ready for a new pallet of colors and creativity. As I traverse the many roads and flight paths, I will do it with my eyes and my heart wide open. Because that one wrong turn may lead me to that right place--the place I never knew existed and never will want to leave. And with that, I believe there is a wrong turn out there with my name on it.
Au Revoir!!...for now.
-m : )
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment